current mood: feeling bad and guilty
woo~ it's my 100th post but nothing to be happy about lah. haha...
it's 6.04pm now and guess what? i just woke up from my sleep. came home at 8+am this morning after the night cycling. i was totally shagged and many things have happened which make me feel real guilty. i am just an useless idiot okay. i don't know but things didn't go on smoothly. i am not a good student leader and the bad memories keeps on running in my head. totally off during the event and i am really sorry. the blame will always be there! dun wanna say what actually happened but things were bad during my first part of the journey. sorry to the participants and the road marshal!
but during the recee trip for the night cycling, we went in lorry and the first time sitting a lorry was real scary especially when the driver drives very fast and his turning and braking is super scary lah. so many of us squeezing inside and when he turns or brake, we will like bang into each other. and the scariest part was when we was leaving school. dunno why the back of the lorry door was not locked and all the girls was sitting near it. so can u imagine when the lorry starts moving and the door opened, all of us was shouting like mad. haha... a scary lorry experience!
guess i am not going to cycle for a long period of time now cos the memories are just gonna come back.
sometimes, i just wish that i can disappear from this world. anyway, i am just an useless idiot. the feelings of giving up on myself is very big. now, i just wish i could leave this country and go overseas to tour around and earn money to support myself. i wanna learn to be independant! things said are just so impossible for me.
"HOW GOOD IF EVERYTHING CAN JUST CHANGE FOR A SINGLE MOMENT!"
6:04 PM